Our society has a long term and deep-rooted problem with gender. What we expect a real man and a real woman to be, and the social pressure to conform to these stereotypes, leads to bullying, mental health problems, violence and even murder.
While there has been quite a bit written on this from a female perspective, this post is more from a male perspective.
Even if we just wanted to tackle the problem of male violence against women, it might be good for men to have a look at themselves, since the two are very inter-related1.
Killing Each Other
Since the number of murders compared to the UK population is small, there is a lot of statistical variation. Therefore, I have averaged the data over the period April 2011 to March 20222.
It is worth mentioning that the very high rate for under 1-year-olds. Although the rate is high, it must be remembered that this is the rate for that demographic and this age category is only one year. This means that there are, on average, about 11 murders of under ones per year. However, if we are interested in protecting the most vulnerable, then this would be an important area to address.
There is an extreme difference between the sexes in both being a victim. 70% of the victims were male2.
While there is some discussion, on mainstream and social media, about male violence on women3, there is little discussion about male violence on males.
This could be part of the problem – the stereotype for males do not want to discuss the possibility of being a victim. Men have to be tough and able to defend themselves and not be too upset about the large number of our own sex killed.
There are about 600 people murdered in the UK every year – 415 male and 185 female. It is also noticeable that the profile for the victims are very different.
| Male | Female | |
| Son or daughter | 3.97% | 7.53% |
| Parent | 2.32% | 7.19% |
| Partner/ex-partner | 3.07% | 41.01% |
| Other family | 2.54% | 3.79% |
| Friend/acquaintance | 24.78% | 7.68% |
| Other | 10.04% | 3.50% |
| Stranger | 18.53% | 7.24% |
| Relationship not known | 8.31% | 2.66% |
| No suspect charged [notes 29,45] | 26.43% | 19.40% |
| 100.00% | 100.00% |
While males are more likely to be killed by a Friend/Acquaintance, females are much more likely to be killed by a partner/ex-partner (41% compared with 3% for men).
Killing Others
The differences between the sexes when it comes to perpetrating a murder are even more stark, with over 90% of murders being done my males. Just as noticeable is that nearly 50% of these are committed by males aged 16-24 and then decreases with age.
One of the key factors in male aggression has been shown to be closely linked to obtaining/maintaining the status of manhood4,5.
Killing Ourselves
Not only are males more likely to kill others, they are much more likely to kill themselves, with the suicide rate being three times greater than that of women6.
Again, traditional masculinity has been positively linked to risk of suicide7. More generally, traditional masculinity has been linked to negative mental health outcomes8.
Bullying, Harassment and Intimidation
Bullying and Gender Non-Conformity
People, particularly children, who do not conform to societal expectation about gender expression are at higher risk to being bulled8,10. Enforcing gender conformity is at the heart of this problem11, not only in that it pressures those who do not conform to gender norms to do so, but provides a way for the bully to express their gender conformity.
On top of this, it also affects the bystanders – conform or face the same treatment.
Bullying As A Political Tool
Sadly, bullying is often used as a political tool – by both ‘the left’ and ‘the right’. Rather than discuss issues, politics often degrade into person attacks, name-calling, derogatory remarks and the proliferation of lies and allegation.
Similarly to the enforcement of gender norms, people try to use bullying to enforce political opinions.
Donald Trump has been criticized for using bullying tactics, which I strongly believe he should. However, some of the tactics used against Trump have been just as bullying – attacks on his personal appearance, intelligence and even attempts to emasculate him12.
What It Means To Be ‘A Man’
Part of this will be biologically determined. It may be true that men have a tendency to be more aggressive or more violent due to their biology, in the same way that they tend to be taller and stronger.
However, it is not acceptable just to say “boys will be boys”. As will most biological factors, this can be strongly influenced by the social environment.
Before we even begin to look how we can tackle male violence, we need to accept that there is a problem.
1 Men’s violence against women and men are inter-related: Recommendations for simultaneous intervention; Soc Sci Med. 2015 Dec; 146: 249–256. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4643362/)
2 Appendix tables: homicide in England and Wales, Office Of National Statistics, 09 February 2023 (https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/datasets/appendixtableshomicideinenglandandwales)
3 Femicide Census (https://www.femicidecensus.org/)
4 Precarious Manhood and Its Links to Action and Aggression, Jennifer K. Bosson and Joseph A. Vandello, Current Directions in Psychological Science, 2011 (https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Jennifer-Bosson/publication/235412080_Precarious_Manhood_and_Its_Links_to_Action_and_Aggression/links/53d255950cf228d363e93759/Precarious-Manhood-and-Its-Links-to-Action-and-Aggression.pdf)
5 Suicide occurrences, England and Wales, Office Of National Statistics, 06 September 2022 (https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/datasets/suicideinenglandandwales)
6 Daniel Coleman (2015) Traditional Masculinity as a Risk Factor for Suicidal
Ideation: Cross-Sectional and Prospective Evidence from a Study of Young Adults, Archives of Suicide Research, 19:3, 366-384, DOI: 10.1080/13811118.2014.957453 (https://xyonline.net/sites/xyonline.net/files/Coleman%2C%20Traditional%20Masculinity%20as%20a%20Risk%20Factor%202015.pdf)
7 Wong, Y. J., Ho, M.-H. R., Wang, S.-Y., & Miller, I. S. K. (2017). Meta-analyses of the relationship between conformity to masculine norms and mental health-related outcomes. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 64(1), 80–93. https://doi.org/10.1037/cou0000176 (https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2016-56584-001)
8 Childhood Gender Nonconformity: A Risk Indicator for Childhood Abuse and Posttraumatic Stress in Youth., Andrea L. Roberts, Margaret Rosario, Heather L. Corliss, Karestan C. Koenen, S. Bryn Austin; Pediatrics March 2012; 129 (3): 410–417. 10.1542/peds.2011-1804 (https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/129/3/410/31773/Childhood-Gender-Nonconformity-A-Risk-Indicator)
9 Nonconforming Gender Expression and Associated Mental Distress and Substance Use Among High School Students, Richard Lowry; Michelle M. Johns; Allegra R. Gordon; JAMA Pediatr. 2018;172(11):1020-1028 (https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2703480)
10 Who Engages in Gender Bullying? The Role of Homophobic Name-Calling, Gender Pressure, and Gender Conformity; Ioverno, S., DeLay, D., Martin, C. L., & Hanish, L. D. . Educational Researcher, 50(4), 215–224. 2021 (https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.3102/0013189X20968067)
11 Emasculating Trump: Incredulity, Homophobia, and the Spectacle of White Masculinity, Casey Ryan Kelly, QED: A Journal in GLBTQ Worldmaking Vol. 5, No. 3 (Fall 2018), pp. 1-27 (https://www.academia.edu/38390852/Emasculating_Trump_Incredulity_Homophobia_and_the_Spectacle_of_White_Masculinity)
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